Business Book Summaries

Healing wounded relationships must start with communication. In all troubled relationships, especially in marriage and family, the issues involved can be numerous: children, finances, sex, in-laws, and even pets. Misunderstandings can be overwhelming and misinterpretations, frustrating. But no matter what may be the difficulties and experiences, the bottom line problem is usually the breakdown due to lack of communication. We are not connecting and are usually out of sync with one another. As a result, we can’t know each other.

The basic goal of communication is revelation, not resolution. If resolution is the primary goal of communication, then you’re bound to get nowhere. If revelation is the goal, then there is hope and the possibility of resolution. Most often, the resolution of the problem lies in the revelation one makes to another because, revelation leads to greater understanding of each other.

It is with such communication that we develop trust and build the foundation of relationships.

COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

As we learn to communicate effectively, especially in our closer relationships, we will not only get to know each other better but also live together harmoniously by supporting each other deal with frustrations. What kills relationships is our tendency to avoid communication about the important issues and feelings of our daily lives. The system breaks down, and we become distant from one another.

WHERE CAN WE LEARN TO COMMUNICATE?

Practically, the only place we learn how to communicate is in our family of origin. We bring into our relationships the patterns of communicating we observed our parents practicing and that we practiced with them and our siblings.

HOW WE COMMUNICATE

How we communicate with one another is also of the utmost importance. The words we choose and our tone of voice can either hinder or enhance the message we would like to impart. Even the time and place of communicating can be significant factors. Remember, we must never fail to attach the appropriate feelings to a statement.

COMMUNICATING WITH “I” STATEMENTS

Communication studies show that speaking in “I” statements is always more effective than using “you” statements. People on the receiving end of “you” statements can feel under attack and become defensive. They tend to block out what they are hearing, take on a defensive tone or concentrate on preparing a rebuttal.

SELF-COMMUNICATION

If we are to be effective communicators, we must also be good with communicating with ourselves. We talk to ourselves a lot although we are not always aware of it. This is important in the process of getting to know ourselves.